That One Thing

I'm all about engaging your mind and imagination, so you'll find I ask you to put your own thoughts to these words.  Bear with me and consider a friend of yours that has always wanted to do THAT ONE THING but just never took that initial step towards it.  I know several friends and family that are having epic battles with bows, arrows, swords, shields, armor, and battle cries all in their mind as two sides struggle to gain an upper hand.  One force is saying "Yes, let's do it!", while the other is saying "But... wait!"  Do you know anyone that is having a similar battle within their mind about THAT ONE THING? 

I don't want to give examples of what THAT ONE THING is or could be.  You know much better than I do, so I will leave it as a blank slate for you to complete.  How many times have you wondered what was holding them back?  Ever think "What's so hard about doing THAT ONE THING?", "If you talk to me about THAT ONE THING one more time I'll go completely nuts!", or maybe even you just want to say "For goodness sake would you just do it already?"  Sometimes you may just want to covertly change the subject when they bring up THAT ONE THING, and if so, your secret is safe with me. 

Well we're about to work on that friend or family member of yours together.  We're about to see if we can discover a decisive victory in this epic battle going on in their mind.  First I want you to pay close attention to something.  Do they know much about THAT ONE THING, or how to do THAT ONE THING?  Think about that for a few moments as I tell you about Tim.  

Tim likes going to live music events, especially when the lead musician plays the trumpet.  He goes every Wednesday to a small intimate location that can't fit more than 80 people comfortably.  It's one of those places that have consistent regulars and everyone knows each other so when he walks in everyone speaks to him.  One Wednesday he walks in and does his normal routine of waving to people, shaking hands as he walks towards his usual table.  His favorite waitress grins at him and he nods his head back at her so she knows to get him his routine drink.  When this week's performer comes to the stage to a welcoming applause Tim notices the sign that says 'Open Mic Next Week'.  Just as he reads the sign he feels a tap on his shoulder, and as he turns around he sees the gleaming smile of a good friend.  His friend sits down at the table, points at the 'Open Mic Next Week' sign and says "You love the trumpet so much, you should go up there one Wednesday, everybody is saying it."  Tim knows that this little intimate location is known across town to be a welcoming, warm, and supportive crowd towards all performers, novice or experienced, but he feels a strong nervous jolt hit his chest as his stomach turns because he had been thinking about doing just that for months, but just never did it.  He forces a light chuckle and responds, "You're crazy." because he's full of doubt, negative energy, and fears failure because he can't play the trumpet.

Before I get to the point, do you think everyone at this little intimate location knows Tim? Of course, he's there every Wednesday and everyone is familiar with each other.  Do you think the people at this little intimate location would boo him?  Not likely. So what's holding him back? What's stopping Tim from doing THAT ONE THING? Fear. Fear of what? Only he knows, but we all can venture a couple guesses such as fear of crowds, or maybe the fabled fear of failure.  I believe that it's because of the conditioning that I mentioned in 'Stop Don't Do That', but that's another discussion.  Fear by definition is a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger.  Fear is a part of life, and quite natural.  To be without fear is to be totally without care, which I believe is not a good thing.  That athlete that has a little fear before a game is a good thing, because it shows passion and his care for the results of the game and his performance.  The moment he stops caring is the moment he should hang his shoes up.  I provided that brief example because I by no means want people to eliminate fear, but look at it differently. 

 

Let me give you a few examples.  I remember when I was JR High, I was scared to death to approach a girl that I thought was very pretty.  Why? Because I had no idea how to approach her.  Remember anyone that was petrified when it was their turn to drive in a driver's education class?  They knew that the instructor had a brake on their side of the car, but they were still fearful.  Why? Because they didn't know how to drive. That same person now may have literally driven in their sleep.  Fear is gone.  What about riding a rollercoaster? Before a person rides it for the first time their heart may have been beating out of their chest.  What about the third or fourth time? Not so bad, right? Know a person that's scared of a dog that they have never touched, encountered, or interacted with?  Let's say the dog owner is walking her dog down the street and your friend that's afraid of that very same dog tenses up in fear.  The owner of the dog laughs and says, "He won't bite, go ahead and pet him." Your friend turns her head away from the dog with her eyes closed tight enough to crack a walnut and carefully reaches towards the dogs head with a grimace.  The dog licks her hand and she yanks her hand back with a squeal.  The dog owner laughs again and says, "Go ahead."  Your friend tries one more time with one eye open now looking at the dog and barely touches him on the nose with her middle finger and slowly grazes his head.  Your friend loosens her tightened jaw, slowly relaxes her shoulders, starts to breath as her chest starts to move again, stands more relaxed as a wave of comfort runs from her head to her feet and starts to rub the dogs head.  Now your friend is released of her fear of the dog.  Knowledge of how to and understanding is the key to freedom from fear, failure, and negative thinking. 

   

Remember when I asked you if your friend or family member that we're working on together knows much about THAT ONE THING, or how to do THAT ONE THING?  Well here's the punch line.  I'm sure you've heard the phrase 'people fear what they don't understand'.  This is a very true statement.  The only reason people fear something is because they don't understand it, haven't experienced it, or just don't have the knowledge of how to.  Think about it.  Tim has fear of performing in front of people that will be supportive of him because he doesn't know how to play the trumpet yet.  When he gains how to knowledge in regards to playing the trumpet and the dynamics of doing so, his fear will lessen.  I was afraid to approach girls that were very pretty in JR High.  After gaining knowledge that they were likely as nervous as I, my fear lessened.  That former driver's education student was scared stiff of the freeway.  Once experience and understanding takes place, that same student soon enough wouldn't be caught driving the speed limit on a good day.  What about that rollercoaster ride?  Once upon a time they were nervous to get on it, now they bring other scared people on that same ride and talk them through it as they describe each lift and drop.  Oh yes, let's not forget your friend and the dog.  The moment she pet the dog, gaining experience, she realized that there was nothing to fear.

I don't believe fear will ever disappear, nor do I believe it should, but I do believe that a change of perspective should happen.  When it comes to THAT ONE THING your friend or family member is struggling with, consider these two questions.  How much do they know about THAT ONE THING, and do they know how to accomplish THAT ONE THING?  This is a great starting point.  Change their point of view and get them to understand that fear, failure, and negative thinking will take an atomic bomb like blow with knowledge of how to, experience, and understanding.  Takes the saying 'knowledge is power' to an entire different level right?  In short, help them take action towards knowledge of how to and understanding of THAT ONE THING and the battle is half over.  By the way, if your friend or family member you're working on happens to be in your bathroom mirror, your secret is safe with me.